I recently had the distinct honor and privilege of spending 4.5 days with the most wonderful women I have ever met at Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass Level 2. During our time together, I was inspired to write a post on avoiding emotionally unavailable men. Now, whatever I write underneath this is totally channeled material. I am no expert on avoiding emotionally unavailable men. Quite the opposite. However, due to my spiritual practices, information comes to me and I share it here. So here we go, four steps to avoiding emotionally unavailable men.
Step 1 – What’s your emotional and spiritual condition when you meet him. Often times, the most unavailable men show up at my lowest points in my life. I don’t attract what I know I deserve when I am feeling like a piece of shit. I have to be good with me and know what I can manifest before seeking out a man. A Course In Miracles says: “If you knew who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible.” As a matter of fact, this will be my new mantra for dating.
Step 2 – Does he have any similarities to past relationships with emotionally unavailable men? If you lined up all the emotionally unavailable men that I have ever been involved with, while physically looking distinctly different, they all share many traits in common: bad communicators, lacking integrity, indifferent, and not as invested in the “relationship” (or should I say relationshit) as I am. If you see distinct similarities come up, RUN. Let’ face it, I know for me this is a pattern and it’s up to me to recognize the warning signs and make decisions in line with who I know myself to be.
Step 3 – How do you feel when you are with him. My friend and mentor Gabrielle Bernstein said something very profound in a lecture of hers. She said (and forgive me Gabby for not quoting you verbatim) that a good barometer of for dating is how do you feel when you are with him. Now, please let’s not confuse good sex with feeling good around him. Good sex does not make a relationship. God knows I have made that mistake many times. Do I feel like I can be myself with him without any pretense? Is he interested in know more about me? Does he make me feel like the person I know myself to be without using any game? Let your true feelings be your guide.
Step 4 – Ultimately, is being with him a testimony to love or fear. A Course In Miracles makes a distinction between a special relationship and a holy relationship. Marianne Williamson puts it best when she says, “A special relationship is when two incomplete/wounded people come together to fix themselves. A special relationship is when one or both parties are looking for something outside of themselves to fix and/or validate them. Special relationships are more like holding hostages. Special relationships are fear based. A holy relationship is a whole other ballgame. A holy relationship is when two people come together to make the world a better place. Marianne goes on to say that you know when you are in a holy versus a special relationship when you can look at your partner and say to yourself, “I let you go.” Not that you want to let them go but that you are not attached to the relationship to make you whole. Holy relationships are based in love.
So there you have it, Dr. O’s 4 step guide to avoiding emotionally unavailable men. Again, this has been channeled info and inspired by spirit junkie sisters. Any other suggestions are greatly appreciated and welcome.
Namaste