So honored to have my Spirit Junkie Sister, Alisia Leavitt, as my first guest blogger for Spirit In A Jockstrap. This is a riveting account about authenticity. Enjoy.

All my life, I’ve never fit in.

Since I was a child I’ve felt like I’ve lived on the periphery of this world, looking in on everyone. Before I understood what a gift this is, I went down a long road of pain—a dark night of the soul.

As a very empathic, intuitive child, I was quiet, observant, and analytical. This led to me being very misunderstood by others. Paired with a highly dysfunctional family and generations of unhealed trauma, I carried double the burden of pain. Since I am an empath, I absorbed everything.

I have the ability to feel energy, emotions in people, places, and objects. I can see deception and pierce through it with uncanny clarity. I have a remarkable ability to figure things out like a detective. Call it a gut feeling, call it intuition, it used to make me feel cursed. Now I consider it one of my many psychic strengths. I used to hate “knowing” things intuitively and would often wish I could just become “normal” so I could fit in. But, I knew I would never fit in. Because of this, I became severely depressed and suicidal beginning at age 9 and lasting into my twenties.

When I was a freshman in college, I was the girl who spent her Friday nights in her dorm room, listening to drunken female neighbors singing with the radio and pre-gaming for frat parties.

I was the girl who slipped under the covers of her bed at 10pm wishing she could die.

I was the loner girl who wanted to be accepted.

I tried becoming social by joining a sorority, but I knew I was different. I knew I was an old soul. And I knew I had come to this world with something important to do, and that inherent feeling cut through everything. It made everything else—homework, parties, dating—seem trivial. I wanted to help those who were suffering.

I stopped socializing with others. I didn’t see the point, since there was such a disconnect. I couldn’t talk about things that mattered to me, because no one wanted to listen. No one wanted to talk about anything serious. No one dared talk about feelings. They wanted to tune out, have fun, and enjoy their youth. (Truth be told, at age 30, I still know many people like this.) I can’t blame them.

We are all navigating the human experience. Everyone does the best they can at the level of consciousness they are at. We all have our own specific lives to live and karma to play out. And not everyone will like you. Some people are so afraid in their consciousness that they despise anything loving. Some people are so shut down that they push away anything that will trigger them to deal with their pain. That’s just the way it goes. I honor them as being great teachers.

I have lived a whole lifetime before age 30. I have stared death in the face alone—twice. I have lost everything but found myself again. I have been mocked and ostracized, even recently. People have hated what I stand for: love and truth. But, I’ve never truly been destroyed. Love can never be destroyed, because it is the only thing that is real and authentic. I am not special, because we are all special. As humans, we deny ourselves from being whole when we should embrace our essence. This is what can save you. Authenticity is what sustains you.

I claim my authenticity. I would rather stand out than try to fit in. Because when you try to fit in, you give up your essence to the illusion of the ego. And the ego can’t love. It fears. Conformity is rooted in fear, and there are too many scared people in this world. The ones in my life are here because they genuinely love and are open to love. And that’s all that I care about.

It’s my work on this earth to help people return to love—to return to the divine place we all come forth from: a level of consciousness where fear and ego don’t dictate our words and actions. You can’t force people to be nice. You can’t force them to love, but you can help shift the energy by just being an example of love. That’s all you need to do. By being the light, you help others find the courage to illuminate. I am sparking a revolution.

I am also evolving in my consciousness. I wear my uniqueness with honor. I stand on the periphery without fear of judgment. And I call others to do the same. I call everyone to celebrate his or her uniqueness.

I am the Phoenix who always rises from the ashes.

I am a Lightworker, here to inspire souls through kindness.

I am a mystic, a truth seeker, a storyteller, a spark of light, a messenger of love, and an alchemist of energy.

I am moving deeper and deeper in a state of gratitude and grace.

Most of all, I am the lotus pushed up through the grit and mud, open freely in full bloom.

Will you?

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Alisia Leavitt, MFA, MS is the founder of Soul 360, a company on a mission to help heal and empower individuals in order to shift our global consciousness from fear to love. She is an intuitive life coach, speaker, writer, and empath. Alisia has also been mentored by Gabrielle Bernstein, the New York Times bestselling author of Miracles Now who was recently named “a next-generation thought leader” by Oprah. Learn more at: Facebook.com/Soul360Company.

Tags: living, authentically, gay, man