Have you been seeing some people's posts on social media and shake you head thinking, "Who the fuck are these crazy bitches?" I say it like every day. More and more, I see the most insane posts by so called spiritually enlightened people. However, they only think they are enlightened. Do you know someone who is a Spiritually Enlightened Bitch (SEB)? Well, take a look at the following criteria and see:

1 - Always claim that they are either working from home, bed or some exotic destination. However, when posting pictures of the exotic destination, bed or home, all you see are feet or a computer but never them.

2 - You never know what they actually do for a living. They will use words like ontology, entrepreneur or boutique to confuse their followers on social media yet never really have any formal job description.

3 - They throw out the term passive income streams, which means they are relying on the hard work of other people while they smoke cigarettes and drink Cosmopolitans. This is after they have attempted to run their own business but become frustrated because they haven’t become millionaires within 3 months of working 2 hour days.

4 - They host seminars, however, never show group shots of the attendees as a whole. They are very calculative on how they shoot pictures to give the illusion of a massive turn-out when indeed it’s not.

5 - They refer to themselves as a coach yet there is no mention of their coaching certification anywhere.

6 - They take more than 5 selfies a day. Said selfies are so massively FaceTuned and filtered that they make Joan Rivers look normal.

7 - They take one statement that a popular guru said about themselves and twist it to make it be that this is something that they need to do as well.

7 - They post more than 10 Instagram stories a day as they speak about absolutely nothing.

8 - They self-publish one book and think they are New York Times Best Sellers.

9 - They frequently engage in spiritual shaming and metaphysical malpractice and are very verbal of these things on social media even if they don’t know you, all in the name of enlightening others.

And if you need further enlightenment on what an SEB looks like on social media, here's a great example of an SEB, whom I don't know, thought I needed some of her love and light on a mutual "friend's" Facebook post.


Tags: sin, spirituality, lgbt, psychotherapy, coaching, metaphysics, new age, money mentality