The Thing About Feelings...
Written on Monday 06 August 2018
“Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my …” Shame on you for not being able to finish this lyric. But seriously folks, feelings seem to be the one thing that jams everyone up. Feelings are always a hot topic on my couch. We are either trying to increase any positive feelings we have or do away with the negative feelings we have. We never just fucking sit with our feelings.
Feelings are not facts. While they certainly feel real, they are not always reality (sometimes never). Our lives are defined by our feelings. We say things like “Oh, I am so depressed” or anything similar but it’s always “I am (insert feeling name).” Try something new on and see how this feels. If you are feeling depressed, say “I am feeling depressed.” Now say, “I am depressed.” Notice the change in your overall mood. The reality is that you are having feelings … you are not your feelings. Don’t lose your identity because of your feelings.
Feelings are naturally occurring, like a Facebook feed. Nothing we do can stop the flow of feelings no matter how hard we try (much like Trump’s twitter rants). Our minds just churn this shit out without our expressed consent. Therefore, why fight it. We will always have feelings. Let’s just accept that. Don’t worry about doing anything about feelings. Just feel them. Easier said than done though.
We all love feeling good. It’s the thing we strive for on a daily basis. We get it. We feel it. Then the sudden panic of not being able to keep it sets in. We feel good, we feel dread and then we feel bad. Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Or we feel good and then do something to make it more over the top; top it off. All the while, we could just center ourselves and be like “wow, this feels good” and stay there. This will help you feel it more intensely because you are being more present to it instead of worrying of when it will go away and/or how you can feel more of it. Positive feelings are like orgasms - they are amazing while you are feeling them but eventually they will go away. Realistically, they can’t stay forever.
Now negative feelings was probably the uterus of Happy Hours. What’s the first thing most people think of when it’s Friday afternoon and they have had a shit week? HAPPY HOUR. I am certainly not hating on y’all as I have been there too. The issue is feelings are always temporary - good or bad. The bad feeling will go away at some point if we just allow them to be. We don’t have to do anything about it. However, in our quest for eliminating/medicating/getting rid of negative feelings, we retard our ability to effectively manage them. Time to put on your big boy/girl pants and just feel.
Just some thoughts on feelings folks. We don’t have to do anything with them. We just have to make more mindful and appropriate choices on how to manage them. You can do this. It takes practice and dedication but it’s so worth it because you will be able to feel the positive feelings more intensely and the negative feelings less intensely.
Tags: feelings, mental health, psychology, coaching, lgbt, gay therapy, gay love, gay man, gay relationships, alcohol, drugs